2012: The End of The World (Again)

The eschatologies of various mythologies
offer their apologies that in their chronology
next year will unfortunately be our last
who’d have thought we’d see the end arrive so fast?

Starting with the count of the Mayan system
people are saying you should listen
not to Harold Camping’s wisdom
but the alien prediction
of a collision and our eventual extinction.

This theory gave us movies like 2012,
which no doubt made Mayan cognoscenti hurl,
and if you ask me then I do say
this’ll probably go the same way as Y2K
but apparently we face enough panic and trepidation
that the National Space Aeronautic Administration
has seen fit to state all clear and nothing to fear.
So for now, I guess, just have a great new year!

Image from here

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Diversification

Is there a way to add an extra dimension to this rhyme?
that’s one of the questions I ponder on from time to time.
Something simple that doesn’t need a lot of extra thought
a way to add a second layer, a hidden meaning of sorts.
Now what should I do? Which trick is best?
Anagrams can work but they’re too tough and a test.
Could I author a lipogram similar to Gadsby?
Roll a dice or flip a coin on doing aleatory?
Obviously you’d dodge English shiritori.
Start a http//asti-aibohphobia? It’s apt that. Rats,
too difficult to rhyme while doing that.
In the end all those things are just too hard for me
Could there be something easier? Look left and see.

Things Med Students and Ninjas Have in Common

I know most of you won’t percieve the connection
so I’m offering this collection as a correction to your misconceptions.

The first point of likeness comes from the uniform,
sure they have different names, but to the uninformed
the difference between scrubs and a ninja costume’s small when
both are pyjamas for professional use, whatever you call them.

Secondary to the strikingly similar outfits
is the fact that both groups carry diverse tool kits
filled with arcane equipment they can use in a fight
(if you disagree, perhaps you’ve never been blinded by penlight)

You know what else is a major part of ninjitsu?
Stabbing people. And maybe you’ve heard of this thing that we do
called IM injection – it’s just stabbing by another name,
one more way in which students and ninjas are actually the same.

Finally, let’s mention the ninja’s main ability –
moving around so as to almost attain invisibility –
but compared to med students confronted with a tough task
their ability to melt away doesn’t even come close to us.

So although no-one’s cooler than ninjas
and med students are mostly just nerdy whingers,
I’m sure this entry will prompt you to re-evaluate
the many other ways in which they actually do relate.

Image from here

And Then I Realised I’m Basically Unrobbable…

So the other day I was looking for my wallet
I couldn’t find it and thought ‘Hey, maybe someone stole it’.
A few days earlier I put it in my bag while riding the bus
and this dodgy looking fellow saw me do it and I think that he must
have picked it out when I had my back turned
to be fair it was my own fault as I really should’ve learned
to observe better security concerning my personal possessions
but let’s move on – that isn’t today’s lesson.

See at first I was upset about it, as most people would be,
then I paused to think about it carefully
and I just couldn’t see why it should be
a concern that my wallet had been taken from me.

First off, I’m a medical student so I don’t have any cash
and the little I do I always make sure to stash
in my pockets so the balance remains steady there,
likewise my cards for ATMs, driving and Medicare.
Even the wallet itself was about ten years old
riddled with holes, starting to culture mould
and in the end, when all’s said and done,
I can’t help but feel the pick-pocket’s the one
who got the real bum end of this deal
I mean, what did he actually manage to steal?

But it got me asking myself on a bigger scale
was it just luck that this robbery failed?
And I’m lead to think maybe it’s not
if I tally up all the tangible possessions I’ve got
the entire lot comes to less than a grand
and understand that most of that’s rather bland
textbooks on obscure points of medicine or pharmacology
and not even I’m nerdy enough to mourn losing texts on biology.

Thus my conclusion that for this brief moment in time
perhaps I’m inadvertently immune to this common crime.
Now all I have to worry about is assault, fraud, kidnaps,
murders, mugging, drugging and other such mishaps 🙂

Comparison: Homeless People Vs. Med Students

Rather than wasting this blog just writing rubbish
I’ve decided to step up the quality of the things that I publish
so today I’m going to answer a question plaguing us all:
Do homeless people eat better than those at medical school?

I volunteer at a homeless shelter so that’s my control group.
They don’t eat great but they’re offered things like Vegemite scrolls, soup,
sandwiches, tea, coffee, meat and veg for lunch
and once a week on a Sunday even a cooked brunch.

Lets compare that to some of my colleagues at uni.
I know a girl who, after some thought, decided to be
a vegetarian. I assumed it was a condition of her religion
but it turned out she just can’t afford meat and uni so that was her decision.

I’ll admit they’re not statistically significant samples
but I’m sure you can extrapolate from these two examples.
I bet it could be proved with the help of linear regression.
I wonder if anyone’s ever considered it as a research question?

Guinea Pig

You’re probably expecting a post on Cavia porcellus
but I’ll admit straight up that this blog is more or less
free of Rodentia and guinea pigs as a rule
and today won’t be an exception to that ruling at all.

I was walking down the hall one Monday ago
when seeing a board full of notices I briefly slowed
to peruse for anything that might be of interest to me
and here’s a paraphrased version of the things I did see:

‘Textbooks!! Good as new condition. Biochem, anatomy – latest editions.’

‘UQ Christian mission! Follow us to avoid burning in perdition.’

‘Got shoulder pain? Listen, subjects for short assessment needed (it won’t be an imposition)’

‘Students wanted to fill wait staff positions. Good pay available with great working conditions’

I could do without offers one, two and four
but I had some shoulder pain and wanted to hear more
about the possibility of getting a free physio assessment
for nothing beyond a small time investment.

So off I went to be a subject for a study in teleconsultation
with two assesments run end to end, each about an hour’s duration.
One conducted in person by a physio and the other being
beamed live between us via two-way video stream.

The long range consultation was less effective without a doubt
despite demonstrations there were a few maneuvers I doubt I carried out
quite correctly. But no-one claims it’s a substitute for face-to-faces
and it’d be better than nothing, for people in remote places.

Anyway, the final diagnosis if anyone’s curious
was exactly what I expected – the pain was largely spurious.
Just the result of bad posture throughout the day
but it’s nice to be certain (for free) anyway.

Just this once I’ll make an exception to my rule - because I know this is what you really came to see.

Image from here

The Stationery (As Well As Stationary) Vending Machine

Here’s something novel that I’ve recently seen,
it’s a stationery vending machine.
Instead of selling artery clogging snacks
it endeavors to sell whatever items you lack.
Lets say for example, I forgot to pack my pencils.
I can always pick from this range of writing utensils!